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Blue Christmas – What some of the Chelsea boys need from Father Christmas on Sunday

Andre Villas-Boas

Jose’s wit. AVB has all the hallmarks of a new Jose Mourinho. He arrogantly claimed he gave a ‘slap in the face’ to anyone who has recently doubted Chelsea whilst generally looking stylish in his brand of Matalan inspired technical area-chic. He also sought attention in celebrating wildly after managing to breach Newcastle’s defence and when not scoring, tearing up manager etiquette by crouching to little avail. He’s just not funny.

Petr Cech

A ‘V for Vendetta’ mask. Petr has not looked so sure of himself recently and so needs to occupy his area with greater authority. Not only will it provide a more formidable look than all the contraptions he currently wears, his success rate in holding on to the ball from tame shots should return to the more familiar 99% mark rather than the recent 1%, factoring in the spillage against Wigan. As it happens, he’s supposed to be one of the most dull men on the planet.

David Luiz

An elder, more conservative Playstation gamer on the dualshock. That or Bart Simpson’s head on a platter.

Ashley Cole

Cash he’d say.

Fernando Torres

A new suitor. With another club to set sights on a future move to, it will guarantee at least one club he’ll deliver a decent performance against in a season. According to Jabbot90 this could be us.

Frank Lampard

A starting berth. ‘Lamps’ or ‘Fat Frank’, the moniker by which he is more commonly known round these parts, has not been starting as many matches as he would have liked. He mouthed off after the Citeh game that he hasn’t spoken to AVB and so does not know why he can’t get into the team. A mince pie should shut him up.

John Terry

Bag of coal, naughty not nice.

@dan2fc

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